[ Before anything else, Bakugou would probably feel that it is extremely important to point out that he waited a long ass time before doing or saying anything about the weird trainwreck that the finals of the sports festival turned into. He stewed upon it. He thought and pondered extensively. For weeks. And for him, that is actually quite a show of commitment, and also indicates that he actually thought to himself that his kneejerk reaction might not be the most appropriate reaction. Character development is beautiful, basically, and okay — so maybe he thought it would make the whole "we're dating but we don't talk about it explicitly, ever, because honestly what the fuck" situation a bit awkward and reduce the amount of making out they do. So he has ulterior motives. Whatever, character development is still beautiful.
After weeks, though, he concludes that his kneejerk reaction was almost definitely the most appropriate reaction. His pride? It was offended, horrendously so, and it demands for justice. He wants vengeance, and also a proper victory, if he's going to keep the stupid medal and all.
He also doesn't want to cause property damage that he'd probably be held liable for if they went full-on fighting with their quirks in the streets, because (1) he is not rich, and (2) that seems like the kind of stuff that goes on your criminal record, which wouldn't look good for his future budding career. (Not that his future budding career is looking great in the first place, when his claims to fame include getting attacked by a sludge monster and then getting muzzled on TV, and hopefully too children weren't watching that because how would an appalled parent explain that, really?) As such, he's forced to wrack his brains over how he can get a rematch that appeases his ego without becoming a public nuisance.
Tl;dr: this was a disaster before it even began. But what else is new.
But the shorter recap of how they got to where they are goes something like Bakugou going full-on grade school bully and making sure that when he approached Todoroki with this brilliant plan, it was in front of the entire class. There was some weird egotistical and mildly Freudian grandstanding, the gauntlet was thrown down, and the phrase "come at me like you want to kill me" was unironically used. Kirishima commented about how manly it all is. Midoriya looked moderately concerned murder is going to be committed down the street from where he lives. Iida looked like he wants to somehow be the responsible guy and intervene, but didn't know how. And on the inside, Bakugou knew that Todoroki was probably regretting for the umpteenth time ever associating with him, but feelings are feelings and pride is pride. He is emotionally stunted, but has enough pride in his left pinky as most people do in their entire bodies.
It makes dragging Todoroki over to his house a somewhat more awkward affair than usual, because Bakugou has expressed a desire to casually kill or be killed at some point (literally dragging, as in he clamps onto the tail of Todoroki's blazer and refuses to let go of it in case he tries to stage an escape from his fate, which would be kinda cute except it's Bakugou). He gets the feeling that Todoroki only lets it happen because there's a part of him that wants to believe Bakugou is just kidding, or will be persuaded out of this really fucking bad idea.
He will not be moved by logic. As far as he is concerned, his home is merely a pit stop to drop off his school bag before they go attempt to beat the shit out of each other, only just letting go of his deathgrip to do just that before turning around and giving Todoroki an expectant look. ]
So.
[ A dramatic pause ensues, to build the suspense, or something. ]
You're not gonna half-ass it, right?
[ Please Bakugou, he probably hasn't even agreed to this stupid idea yet. In which case, Bakugou would be doing worse than property damage. He would be performing straight-up homicide with intent to kill. ]
[ If Todoroki asked about Bakugou's general willingness to be a decent human being to make up for doing some shitty stuff, Bakugou would probably give him the flattest of stares and say something like, "Who the fuck do you think I am, Shouto," which is probably one of the worst ways to say "yes, you are special enough to me to merit attention I wouldn't give anyone else". Consequences are for lesser people, with more normal sized egos.
For the record, Bakugou never wanted to experience anything even vaguely resembling accountability towards how he treats other people, it gives him the metaphorical hives and makes him want to make an existential, extended ughhhh sort of sound. This is who he has become, a person who gives a shit about other people on occasion. Terrifyingly enough, he hasn't even mentally rephrased this to be almost comically self-centered (what if he never wants to touch my dick ever again that would suck a lot) and is more thinking something like "okay but I really don't want the whole nearly choking you to death thing to be a permanent dealbreaker, and also I am not really prepared to be known as some guy who accidentally asphyxiated his boyfriend because it seemed fucking great at the time" as he screws on off to go get a glass of water.
Truly a horrifying thing. Bakugou never asked for this and yet here he is anyway. Confronted with only the sounds of a running sink and his own inner dialogue to freak himself out. He's been reduced to doing menial tasks for other human beings, and he isn't even really mad about it.
Some things don't change, though, and technically the bed is his bed, so when he makes his ignominious return he parks his sorry butt somewhere in the near vicinity of Todoroki's stomach and — what's he do with this glass of water, anyway. Just hold it, he supposes. He's now also been reduced to the guy holding his SO's drinks. ]
Here you are, princess.
[ If this is how Bakugou intends to spoil royalty should he meet royalty someday, then he is potentially not off to a great start. Playing up the mildly jackass side is a good way to cover up feelings, you know.
(This I could live with — the only thing I comfort myself with is that it is highly unlikely that suddenly, out of nowhere, while it would be moderately hilarious of a choice: Hiroshi Kamiya.) ]
[ That is indeed one of the worst ways of expressing sentimentality there is and it's bound to fly right over his head, considering Todoroki has all the density of the average harem protag and it's taken any number of backalley liaisons and nights spent forming the two-backed beast for him to realise he kinda likes Bakugou. In a weird, not entirely comfortable sort of way, soft and squirming in the hollow of his chest.
Which would be fine (or not fine, because feelings and junk are scary and he deserves so much better than whatever he's been getting), if liking the guy didn't come with all this caring and... stuff. He'll admit he hasn't exactly figured it out yet. What's important is that Bakugou shouldn't be suddenly rising in his estimation from dumbass who sits at the front of class to kinda hot to actually matters to me. Todoroki is not prepared to feel emotionally invested in someone who can readily mess him up - or anyone, actually, but a guy like Bakugou especially. What will follow from now is a load of trying to bury their emotions and dodging dokis until he turns up on Bakugou's doorstep out of the rain one day when daddy kicks him under the pretext of building character.
This is all still Bakugou's fault, by the way. He's the one who introduced Todoroki to the taste of the peach half-eaten and a thousand other things that are bound to earn him a place in inferno, the feeling of the sheets wrapped round him as he struggles to get comfy and make what's inside him settle.
It's for the best Todoroki has no idea what aftercare is or he could tell Bakugou that he sucks shit at it. ]
Thanks.
[ He'll take a glass of water for his trouble though, sass or not, sit up to take the damn thing from Bakugou's grip and set to gulping it down. His throat is dry and his body is broken and he is not at all to blame if a drop or twenty ends up slipping down his chin and chest as he takes in that precious agua. Grabbing Bakugou's wrist to bring him with him when he falls back down upon the bed though, that's definitely his fault. His fault for listening to that tiny part of his brain that runs almost entirely on impulse.
Do you ever feel like you're about to make a horrible mistake. ]
... Bring a first aid kit or something next time.
[ (And surprise surprise, it's Okamoto. And Bakugou looks like such a cocky bastard in those reference sheets, it's great.) ]
( gimme something that'll haunt me whenever you're not around )
[ It's a good thing Bakugou doesn't know what aftercare is or else he'd be aware he sucks shit at it and he hates being bad at things and
more like a THIRST aid kit am I right. At least, Bakugou probably needs one as his willpower tries really hard for a few moments, briefly has a freak-out at watching water drip from Todoroki's mouth, steels itself to near invulnerable status for approximately 0.33 seconds, and then plummets so low that it'll be breaching the core of the Earth in T-minus one minute at the current rate of acceleration as he is pulled down onto the bed with Todoroki, leaving Bakugou feeling strangely broken on the inside even though he has had absolutely nothing done to him.
A horrible mistake has occurred — no, has been occurring. He wants a do-over on life where everything is the same but he isn't uncomfortably interested at Todoroki being incapable of drinking a glass of water and reduced to staring hard at him while being confused where to place his hands at a time like this. Hips seem wrong, anywhere lower than that seems especially wrong; he'll settle for the waist. ]
You sound like you expect me to attempt to beat the shit out of you again in the future.
[ ... ... Well, it is Bakugou, so it's just good reasoning to assume the possibility exists.
(accelerator_-_nicetomeetya.mp3 ... But seriously, now Mikoshiba Mikoto won't be the most embarrassing character he's ever voiced C'''': ) ]
( it was a moment of weakness and you said "yes" )
[ The great tragedy of being emotionally invested in a boy like Bakugou, if falling for him in itself wasn't sad enough, is that despite the feeling of bruises on skin and bones near-broken and having all the evidence in the world to hold up in court (a civil disputes case, HeroAca's answer to the question of Judge Judy), Todoroki can't quite bring himself to call this mess off, something about fallacies in Monte Carlo casinos that makes the hands round his waist seem almost forbiddingly nice. ]
Should I not.
[ Fair question, he thinks - Bakugou already sprung so hey I want us to beat the shit out of each other on him once and there's very little reason at all to believe he won't try it again. More important, however, is that Bakugou's face is now painfully close to his own, and how the tiniest, tiniest possible noise of contentment slips past Todoroki's lips as he rests his hands at his sides.
How does he stop making mistakes every waking moment his boyfriend is around, he really wants to know. ]
[ This also feels like a trick question, but Bakugou is going to attempt to rein it in this time. ]
Honestly? As a whole, yeah.
[ ... But actually answering the question this time still makes him an asshole. Either way, he certainly doesn't feel a need to deny it; he already got off on it pretty blatantly, plus, he loves the thrill of violence a little too much to be entirely healthy. These are all things that are blatantly obvious, so he doesn't feel much of a need to talk around it.
Also a reason he doesn't feel the need to talk around it: ]
I mean, wouldn't it be even worse if I said after all that, "yeah, so I wasn't that into it".
[ ... He's not strictly wrong.
He's also definitely not strictly right, but hey. Anyway, if he senses that gratuitous contact of the non-violent sort is going to help him avoid being the fuck-up of the century, then he's going to go ahead and tactically engage in some cuddling here. Purely to avoid consequences, not because of any material enjoyment thereof, of course.
[ On reflection it was probably a pointless question, when Bakugou's appreciation for mindless brutality is readily apparent and the whole affair was his idea in the first place (and he's shown very little in the way of remorse since they started, though that's not really evidence of anything). More concerning is how little that reply really affects him, the closest thing to a response can muster being a muttered oh.
The fact Todoroki now finds himself questioning if he personally enjoyed getting the shit out of him is where it gets alarming though. Never before has he wanted to quantify the depths of his own masochism and this feels like a really bad time to start, when he could be doing things like wrapping his arms tight around Bakugou and reduce his boyfriend to an oversized teddy bear.
Technically the fact that they're— that they're doing whatever they're doing is probably cause enough to believe he's a masochist. ]
... I guess?
[ Seems like it makes sense in Bakugou's own weird way of looking at the world. Or at least, it seems like it makes sense now, when Todoroki is occupying himself with other thoughts and spreading himself out over the bed. ]
What I'm really asking is if you want to do it again.
[ he might be making even more mistakes right now.
[ Bakugou feels himself sliding towards yet another huge fuck-up but he can't stop himself. It happens, after all, sometimes he can just tell that he's going to have a miniature word explosion and tell somebody to piss off except in stronger language and drawn out to a loving paragraph worthy of the opening to a well-crafted essay, where the thesis statement is "go fuck yourself because you're a goddamn nuisance". There's no stopping it at that point. He must simply yell his head off and get it over with. ]
What, like you want me to continue beating the shit out of you?
[ This situation makes no sense to him. It's like checking a kink meme request you made weeks ago thinking "lmao nobody is going to fill this kink (sad trumpets)" and somebody has delivered 5k of filthy porn. He doesn't understand... but he accepts this, he sure accepts it. ]
Is there some other way to read into that statement that I'm just not seeing or...?
[ He hopes not.
... He is aware he should probably hope not but eh. Propriety is for lesser beings.
In the midst of talking about beating the shit out of each other and possibly also getting off on it: casual nuzzling. Because, you know, those two things don't have to be mutually exclusive. ]
[ He knows what's coming long before Bakugou actually opens his mouth, has learned to spot the signs like some tracker of wild and dangerous beasts, and perhaps one day Todoroki will be called upon to show his skills and lead some poor soul through the minefield that is a conversation with Katsuki Bakugou. For now, though, he takes that brief moment of warning as encouragement to start trailing his nails across the surface of Bakugou's spine, enjoy that casual nuzzling which brings things that little bit closer to actual aftercare.
Todoroki, hopes - prays - there's a way to read that that isn't the way he intends, hopefully more innocent, so he doesn't have to acknowledge Bakugou's question, clarify. A bit like stumbling on an LJ kink meme years later and being all who would even request this filth wait shit it was me. ]
Look.
[ Is there any way he can do this that will not fill him with shame. Is he really about to admit that, in spite of the aching limbs and the flare in his temple and thanks to the whole getting off part, he might actually be okay with getting the shit beaten out of him, provided it's Bakugou doing it.
Or maybe he just wants to beat the shit out of Bakugou as revenge. That sounds better, and Todoroki has already proven himself quite capable of questionable interpretation. ]
I'm saying we can do it again... maybe. If you prepare properly.
[ Like, say. First aid kits. Any preparation at all, even. ]
[ Bakugou would almost definitely be okay with it if Todoroki beat the shit out of him in a sort of kinky way, although then that edges into the uncharted territory of needing a safeword for where his brain says yes i can keep going like this but his body says uh what the fuck no stop you might literally die.
Then again, going by that standard, Bakugou has needed a safeword for life for quite some time now, so. There's that.
Anyway, for some reason or other, Bakugou's chest does some weird things that he's not entirely certain how to interpret and has the distressing thought of "well, this is it, logically speaking you'll never get anybody better suited for your wants and preferences than this so you better not fuck it up; in fact, is it not a goddamn miracle that you haven't permanently fucked it up already? Two more and you're on the way to sainthood, Katsuki." It ranks up there on the scoreboards for the most personally devastating thoughts that he's ever independently generated in his brain. He doesn't know when he became so fucking gay but here he is, dangerously at risk of choking on his own heart as it attempts to lodge its way up his throat and stop himself from going down this path.
All this because Todoroki is open to beating the shit out of each other. Just... yeah. Yeah. ]
Punch me in the face right now. Do it.
[ Translation: What the fuck. I like you more than should be possible given the shriveled and pitted nature of my tiny, incredibly self-centered heart, however, I would rather leave this earth and float into the stratosphere than admit that. ]
Not as the beginning to an attempt to beat me up. Just like. A one-time deal.
[ Translation: just fuck me up except joke's on me you already did. ]
[ Bakugou is a dangerous male, there are few safe spaces left for Todoroki, and there is perhaps nothing more horrifying than that moment you realise you and your boyfriend are so kink-compatible you could pilot a Jaeger. It's the implicit understanding between them that keeps things stable, lets them pretend that they are not in fact a pair of deeply fucked-up individuals so long as they don't actively acknowledge it - much like all manner of affectionate snuggling and warm nuzzles are perfectly fine provided they keep the sap to a minimum. One can only imagine how awkward that conversation would be, i want you to hurt me, like, a lot and i'm not sure if this means i have some deep-seated self-worth issues or i'm just that much of a masochist??, or for Bakugou to actually confess whatever weird shit goes through his head.
One day they are going to realise that this arrangement is something straight out of 50shades and take a moment to rethink their lives (or alternatively, make a half-assed effort at entering into the wonderful world of light bdsm, probably a disaster given what passes for dirty talk between them), but today is not that day. Actual safewords and not risking a trip to the emergency room every time they meet up is still a long way off.
More importantly: Oh god he's fucking up. ]
You're serious.
[ There is a long, long pause before Todoroki manages to get the words out, finds it in himself to remember what words even are. On the other hand his heart is now playing a dandy tune of doki doki kiss kiss fuck me in the ass against Bakugou's skin and honestly, how is he supposed to reply to that.
Most people, Todoroki's pretty sure, don't want to beat the shit out of their SOs. It's kinda, y'know, wrong and everything, and he definitely shouldn't be considering, hardly his fault that he turns into a sex-crazed flagellating fiend whenever Bakugou is within like five meters of him.
Doesn't stop him from socking Bakugou straight in the face though. Why would it. ]
( i should have slept with one eye open at night )
[ Bakugou gets a lot of weird boners as of late, he's begun to just think of it as a regular part of his lifestyle, but he definitely feels the early onset of a very weird boner at being nailed in the face. Going to class is going to be very difficult for several reasons, the first being the need to explain why his face is bruised and if it's a coincidence that Todoroki also seems roughed up or did you guys do something really stupid (also, who won, asks the slightly more asshole half of the class). The second is that he's probably going to be looking at his own bruises and also Todoroki's and having residual weird boner onset at being reminded of the general circumstances surrounding them punching each other and also getting off.
... He's so royally fucked. Bakugou acknowledges he has dug this grave and now he supposes he just needs to learn to love lying in it as he moves further away from the grace of light and virtue which realistically he has never been particularly close to anyway. It probably slipped out of his sweaty hands at the age of four or so.
He makes a noise that is a peculiar ratio of confused, mild pain, and um I'm turned on right now. He thinks about stopping this madness before it begins. He promptly kicks that idea to the curb and metaphorically pisses all over it because laughing my fucking ass off at the idea i have that kind of self-restraint?? Fuck this and fuck his life, honestly, but he can't get off this wild trainwreck of a ride and he's come to peace with it. Now it's just a vague wondering thought of "god damn I hope I don't have to hear shit about how I got excited over being punched in the face in the near future" before he decides this is exactly the right time to (impressively quickly, all things considered) roll on over and on top of Todoroki, knees straddling either side of his hips, and go straight in for a kiss that's generously 50% kiss and 50% him applying tongue to the general vicinity of Todoroki's mouth.
[ Todoroki hasn't even considered what they're going to say about this tomorrow — possibly related to how he never expecting things to get this out of hand but mostly because consideration is not what he comes to Bakugou for — more concerned for keeping himself alive and as far from the operating table as possible until hands round his neck and beating Bakugou senseless entered the equation. Not entirely sure what kind of equation this is supposed to be, probably something unsolvablet with feelings on one side and bullshit on the other, the sort to make even Perelman blush.
Relevant when, before Todoroki really gets the chance to contemplate what it might mean that he just engaged in an act domestic violence (plus some of the more particularly unpleasant desires suddenly welling up inside him, like leaving Bakugou with more bruises of his own, wondering how he sounds when he's the one strangled, digging nails into skin so everyone knows who owns him and holy shit what has Katsuki done to him (what has he done to himself)), Bakugou leaps on him at approximately the Speed of Making Mistakes, which is approximately three times the Speed of Thinking Before You Act, approximately equal with the Speed of Todoroki Never Paid Attention in Physics Anyway, a change in pace he readily welcomes. Few things are quite so liberating when he's thinking too hard as letting Bakugou have his way, wrap a leg around him and skip to the part where they makeout until they collapse from exhaustion.
Plus — if he lets his mind wander a little, always a bad idea, there's something he rather likes in that moment where Bakugou's movements suddenly take on a more possessive edge (more than usual, anyway), how his hands wander, almost a little endearing in how he clings to him, almost cute even, often as close to acts of actual affection as they come. Now, Todoroki would respond to anyone who accused him for whatever reason of craving affection with naught but a muddled Um and a vacant stare, but by the same token he wouldn't readily agree to beating each other senseless for just anyone either, nor does it really help with how happy he is to sit back and let Bakugou touch him however he wants. And kiss him back. Really hard.
Is this the aftercare or does the aftercare come after this. Was beating each other up the foreplay. Is this the main event. Does their love-making defy categorisation. ]
( i think you're crazy 'cause i still love you baby )
[ Bakugou will probably go with the "does it seem like it's any of your damn business? Does it? That's right, it's not, fuck off" tack himself, but that's because he reflexively goes for being an asshole anyway. Not that he's particularly thinking about it too much; blood is rushing to various places and making him feel unusually lightheaded and not particularly capable of thoughts that might take more than 5 words to string together. Mistakes have been made, Bakugou's now 98.5% sure he gets off on being punched in the face in the middle of making out (or whatever it is they've been doing), and he can't really say he regrets it but he's got this uncomfortable awareness that this cannot be talked about in the presence of other people ever.
He's getting used to the fact that this list exists and is growing, though. Also another thing that can't be discussed in front of others, ever (also possibly discussed in general) is how Bakugou can be a needy little fucker and while this means he can be surprising cuddle fiend, it also means that sometimes his brain shortwires itself a little and tells him something like the more you touch somebody, the more it means they're yours like some kind of primitive marking instinct. If asked later what his logic behind just kind of restlessly touching Todoroki (anywhere and everywhere his hands can comfortably fit, not very demandingly, just sort of running his fingers and palms over Todoroki's body), he'd probably shrug wildly and insist there's nothing weird about wanting to touch the hell out of something that you like. Which is one of the nicest compliments-not-intended-as-such that would never pass his his lips, probably.
If this is the aftercare, then Bakugou needs to look up an FAQ or something ASAP because he's probably going to accidentally asphyxiate himself at this rate, it shouldn't be that hard to recall that you still need to breathe when making out but oh god he may yet manage it. ]
[ That's the sort of thing that's only going to encourage classroom gossip, a blemish on both their future careers if it ever gets out too far, another round of rants from his father for Todoroki and something else for Monoma to mock Bakugou over should they ever cross paths again — he supposes this is where he should be grateful his boyfriend still has some sense of discretion, sense enough to keep how things are between them a secret, but Todoroki has other things on his mind right now. The rush of adrenaline that is as absurdly erotic as it's always been, how fortunate he is to have fallen for a boy who'll let him slug him in the face (how fucked in the head he is for wanting that, thinking to himself how beautiful Bakugou would be with a couple more bruises laid bare and holy shit)—
He can probably lay the brunt of the blame on Bakugou for corrupting him, right; he was fine (ahaha...), a good person before all this happened, before love entered the scene, and now it won't be long before Katsuki has him listening to rock music and chain smoking behind the bike sheds at school. Their relationship is one that can conveyed through the assorted works of Taylor Swift and Todoroki would like to think he's not entirely at fault for that.
Honesty has never been Bakugou's strong suit, no, not when it comes to expressing anything greater than his boundless self-confidence and urge to blow the fuck out of all he surveys, but Todoroki appreciates the sentiment all the same; it's hard not to forgive the possessive edge to Bakugou's fingers ghosting over his skin when it makes him feel cherished, something he's growing swiftly addicted to. Perhaps a sign thatthese still sum up their individual approaches to affection quite nicely, and that Todoroki has all the right in the world to thread his fingers through Bakugou's hair and kiss him as if starving for air. Actions express what mere words never could, or something like that.
If this is what passes for aftercare between them then sign him the fuck up. ]
( what you're looking for has been here the whole time )
[ To be fair, Bakugou's biggest blemish on his future career is that Bakugou is sadly himself, but this could also present some strange set-backs that he would rather not have to deal with. Feelings and stuff are really doing a number to him; sometimes he vaguely reflects that life was probably more enjoyable before high school and bullshit. But hey, he has a hot boyfriend who considers beating on each other in a kinda sexual way to not be an immediate dealbreaker, so there's a major life win right there!
And don't forget Katy Perry, she contributed some important parts to this dialogue as well, although maybe not at the same level as I knew you were trouble when you walked in so shame on me ... now I'm lying on the cold hard ground (okamoto nobuhiko screaming incoherently).
Approximately 0.3 seconds to Bakugou impressively managing to cause himself to pass out from some stupid combination of excitement and not breathing properly is when he decides to back off for a few moments, breathless, expression more like he's just run a half-marathon with the hounds of hell on his tail than a bit of tonsil hockey. His hands come to a temporary stop too, although the way he grasps at Todoroki's shoulders is more suggestive of holding somebody down while you punch their lights out than some tender caress.
That said, he's stupidly turned on and also horrifyingly happy with all his life choices right now. Also: Bakugou is aware that he's turning into a terrible cliche with the don't really know how to touch people gently because I'm a Tough Guy, but good god I'm trying for once shtick, but he can't help it, his brain isn't working right (is it ever working right) and he just sort of ????s through reaching to touch Todoroki's face like uh? Is this really okay??
He feels like an idiot. That said, it's a weirdly satisfying feeling to draw his palm against the curve of Todoroki's cheek. However, he still overwhelmingly feels like an idiot, for whatever that says about him. ]
( and we'll tell each other things, like i love you )
[ And to be honest while it's not quite the suburban home with three kids and a white picket fence he'd been hoping for, Todoroki's gotta admit they've got something good going on. An unreasonably attractive guy who cares about him in his own bizarre little way, an arrangement where they both benefit that isn't too demanding, and most important of all he actually has someone who makes him happy to... some small extent. The sort of extent where thinking about this for too long is intolerable and honestly, he'd rather dwell on how this is killing his career and see how hard he can kiss Bakugou back before his lips start to bleed.
That would probably be an improvement, actually. I am still forever thankful for how easy the Katy Perry joke is. Meanwhile I still associate Trouble with another fandom and I have been laughing for approximately a million years. (it's the OHHHHH)
You know, he'd probably take being decked in face however so many times over this, the attempt at tenderness, for this is unfamiliar territory and Todoroki has little idea of how to respond, can't stop the irritatingly pleased noises that work their way up his throat at that mangled caress, how easy it is to lean into the hand that cups his face.
Okay, so, that earlier assessment with regards to him craving affection might just have hit the mark, and sad as it is it's probably worth noting that between years of poor parenting it's been so long since someone touched him, and that is probably a factor in why it's so easy to adjust to the whole beating each other up thing. And why Todoroki has to bite back some scathing comment for fear it'll come out like this is really weird, holy shit, but also please keep paying attention to me because while you might not realise it I'm kind of a mess when you get to know me.
Also he started smiling at some point in this process and that, too, is just plain awful. Bury him now before things start getting mushy. ]
[ There are now three major things that bother me about KNB and here they are:
Nijimura merch when
Disappointing lack of OP/ED mash-ups with Space Jam
Nobody has overlaid Tswift's magnificent OHHHHing with Kiyoshi in pain. Maybe it's because Kiyoshi doesn't scream enough to make it worth it? But figuring out this mystery would involve needing to rewatch that match and I'm not emotionally prepared.
Step it up, KNB and associated fandom. Honestly, (akashi seijuurou voice) I still have further expectations from you.
Anyway.
Is it normal to feel like you like somebody so much that you want to smother them with a pillow to avoid feeling feelings? No, of course it's not, yet here Bakugou is nonetheless, suffering in adolescent hell. In some sense, the thing that bothered Bakugou about the Sports Festival tournament (among many other things, to be fair) was the sense that he wasn't being looked at properly, the Acknowledge and Respect Me Goddammit part of his astronomically large superiority-inferiority complex. Stupidly enough, it's the same cosmically immense superiority-inferiority complex that makes him kinda feel weird about being looked at too intently. Not bad, just... weird.
Thus the strange urge to shove a pillow over Todoroki's face and protect himself from Todoroki's dumb smile. Possibly also a manifestation of his latest choking kink, it's hard to say.
He wants to be punched in the face again. This atmosphere needs to be changed, stat, before he loses his shit and metaphorically throws up all his repressed emotions. Welcome to Bakugou's bedroom, current population: 2 hot messes.
Impressively, Bakugou makes a noise that can only be described with a keysmash of h, n, k, and g in any particular order or repetition, and then: ]
This makes me feel so fucking weird.
[ iiiii am in misery there ain't nobody who can comfort me is the background music as Bakugou verbally fucks up yet again. ]
... That didn't come out right.
[ He's still holding Todoroki's face and he may also be kinda smiling at Todoroki smiling and not realizing it, so clearly there's some sort of disconnect going on here between the part of his brain that controls his mouth and the part of his brain that controls his emotions. ]
[ This year for Christmas I want Basugays to give me
The sequel to that amazing fic where Aomine fucks a crawfish
Akashi getting mindbroken Yet Again so we can add yet another headmate named Watashi to his multiple system
Fujimaki finally biting the bullet and letting us see NBA-level play, wherein Michael Jordan triggers an earthquake to throw off the opposing team whenever he dribbles, Charles Barkley has wings and thisseriesofvideos at last comes true
But I guess Teppei and the meme scream will do for now.
So yeah, anyways.
For the first time in a long time the sight of Bakugou's smile does not set a shiver down his spine and alarm bells ringing, and that alone is probably a sign that something is very, very wrong here. Acknowledging that they have feelings for one another outside of the immediately licentious and carnal kind is a cardinal sin, goes against the foundation of their arrangement, but that was before Bakugou and his dumb grin could make it feel like his heart was about ready to explode, a sensation Todoroki welcomes as a reprieve from whatever doki doki bullshit is going on in his chest. Feelings with a capital F are a goddamned roller coaster and he wants to get off (not like that) (probably like that).
Have you ever just wanted to beat a person up, except with your mouth. That is a very good summary of the weird mash-up of urges welling up in Todoroki right now, urges he's uncertain of how to aim that all revolve around Bakugou Katsuki and how unreasonably eye-catching he is when he manages to smile without smirking.
Eye-catching not just in the sense of screwing around and tick boxes on a kink list - that he can deal with - but also wanting to hold hands and cuddle and uploading pictures of his face to social media with the tag #aesthetic and that is just weird.
It's only a little after V-day and so it's only appropriate to start touching Bakugou back, run fingers almost tenderly over his skin like he likes the guy or something. Real seasonal. ]
You're really bad at communicating.
[ Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, or something like that, even if the really awkward undertone of and I accept that is only half-unintentional. What matters is that two incredibly-attractive beat-up boys are staring at each other with smiles on their faces, shoujo bubbles in the air, and my inner fudanshit could not be more pleased. ]
[ Long live the Harem Which Kuroko Lays, may this fandom never truly die and continue on in some sort of weird sports perpetuity like the Prince of Tennis has. Fujimaki might just want to forget and move onto golfers and archers, but I'll never forget how fucking crazy this fandom is/was/probably will continue to be, never has the phrase shine on you crazy diamond been so apt.
But yes, Bakugou understands because he has this delirious sort of thought like I want to punch him in the mouth, but like, with my mouth. And then he has the positively terrifying thought of ohhhh my god this is like, a relationship. He knew that before, but he didn't really think too hard about what that meant (more like he tried very hard to not think about what that meant) and suddenly he's mom's spaghetti. ]
Well, you weren't saying anything.
[ Not that he should expect Todoroki to be up for long, protracted conversations when he earlier did his damn best to choke Todoroki out. He more feels the need to emphasize that he felt like he needed to fill the silence before things got critical level with feelings and sparkles in the air and he still wants to be punched in the face again.
This feels like the point where he's supposed to say that he, like, like Todoroki or something. And suddenly he feels the urge to make a running start at the nearest window and jump out of it because it would feel like a more rational thing to do. Let's just keep doing this touching and holding and staring thing, he supposes. Maybe ponder half a moderately terrifying thought at the fact that he thinks he'd be okay with everybody knowing he's dating Todoroki so they can all stop looking at him now, thanks, he is off-limits to the rest of the world.
Or he could just let gravity do its thing and kiss the boy in one of those things that just sort of happens at the spur of the moment with no conscious thought to it. Bakugou has a habit of making kissing into a sort of all-or-nothing deal, where he throws all his chips down and doesn't stop until lips are bruised or he is moderately winded, but relatively speaking — for him — it can almost be described as chaste. This is all very seasonally appropriate, it brings a tear to my eye...! ]
[ Years from now I will look back at homohoops, curious as to how it provided the optimal level of entertainment for the lowest value of drama, but also as to how the fuck they started milking musicals out of it. Fujo's first sports anime of our generation indeed.
Todoroki's still struggling with this whole feelings thing, mostly, feelings he's afraid to make his for how they differ from all he's known before, the need for revenge that's kept him driven through difficult times (a line could go here about smouldering rage and his ice-cold heart, but Tokoyami is the chuuni of the group so it doesn't really apply). Worse still is the implicit understanding, without words as it is, that Bakugou feels exactly these feelings too, because weird as finding himself wanting someone is, the feeling of being so genuinely wanted is even weirder.
Much like how the whole choking thing was a great deal easier to handle than whatever he's dealing with now, because at least that was kind of understandable; possessive behaviour sorta makes sense, so he can get Bakugou to wanting to mark him as his with a collar of bruises round his neck, maybe not so much wanting to do it himself, the whole I wanna kiss you in front of the whole class and I don't care who complains thing, a little less so.
The spaghetti is just pouring out of his pockets and there's nothing he can do to stop it. ]
What could I say.
[ Seriously, there are no words he could come up with that'd make this any better, the urges bouncing about the inside his skull any easier to explain, and silence almost seems to come naturally when he's like this, struggling to meet Bakugou's gaze, knowing the next punch he tries to throw will no doubt turn to cupping his cheek. Regardless of their reasons neither of them have any excess of social skills (or any at all, as the case may be) and so sometimes keeping their mouths shut is better.
He sees the kiss coming before it starts, lips already subtly parted by the time Bakugou is upon him, returning that chaste and unpleasantly-heartfelt kiss with all he has. Love and Valentine cheer is still in the air, all that lowkey tension Todoroki didn't even know he had is draining out of him, and he's not even going to ask how his arms ended up around his boyfriend to pull him into a hug. They're so fucked. ]
[ There is so much pasta occurring here that they may as well just open an Olive Garden out of Bakugou's bedroom at this point, capitalize on all of this spaghetti going everywhere like the enterprising young adults they are.
For all of Bakugou's transparently self-defensive, moderately wilted replies have been him insisting that he can't be held accountable for the dumb things he does to fill in the silence, the truth is settling in that he's pretty sure he would be really okay with doing something stupidly domestic like sitting on the same couch all afternoon, occasionally borrowing each other as extra cushions while they are quietly in each others' presences and focus on reading or gaming or whatever it is they do. It's so horrendously couple-y and Bakugou wants to punch himself in the stomach because about 95% of the time, he really just wants to be left and to his own devices. He's the personification of "i hate going to school because i always see people from school there", pretty much.
So yeah. Monumentally fucked to an absurd degree. Bakugou just wanted to avenge his pride and now they're having a heartfelt moment where did things go so wrong. In fact, he's even going to declare this in an unusually quiet tone. ]
Oh my god. I'm so fucked. [ He closes his eyes, reaches around to just segue right into hell and spooning. He sounds so genuinely full of feelings when he adds: ] This is not what I had in mind.
[ Strangely, he doesn't sound like he's complaining... ]
[ Was the joke meant to be the idea of Bakugou actually being able to make it in the world of business. I will never be able to buy the inevitable flood of coffee shop AUs once the anime hits because no cafe would ever hire or fail to bar him after he slugged one of the staff.
Kissing Bakugou isn't meant to make him actually feel things, not like this. There's desperation, yes, desiring one another, desperate kiss, emotions boiled over and uncaring if their teeth clack or they leave with bruised lips, tearing one another apart to yield whatever dark part of them has latched onto each other — it's not supposed to be nice. Nice in the way that has sap welling up in Todoroki's throat when he tries to speak, choking on hopes of swapping clothes and curling up in bed together, sharing meals and unawkward silences. How is one such as him, exactly, supposed to deal with actual emotions that don't involve regret or revenge when it took him so many chapters just to manage a smile. ]
Same.
[ Answer being: Not dealing with it at all. It's hard to regret when he's feeling pleasantly buzzed and Bakugou is so very, very welcome against his skin right now. Todoroki sighs, shuts his eyes and just curls up gingerly where he is, all warm and tender and ridiculously heartfelt as he speaks.
Everyone in class is going to be so confused when they don't come in with broken arms tomorrow. ]
[ At least everyone in class can't possibly be more confused about their state of being than they are at the moment, there's a silver lining to consider. Also: Bakugou would not only swap clothes, but probably just shamelessly take, and consider the moment that one of them forgets that they are wearing the other person's clothes until they're out in public to meet up with some of their classmates. These are the tropes I live and die for!!
Spooning, Bakugou has come to realize, is actually pretty great regardless of which spoon you happen to be at the moment and fundamentally less awkward than cuddling while actually facing each other. But there is a certain level of contentment that comes with being able to clasp his hands loosely over Todoroki's waist and settle in for the long haul. ]
Yeah, sure... if you want to. [ Bakugou is even weirded out he said that. What else do they do when they're not making out with each other? Besides convince each other to make questionable life decisions, that is. What are their other options. ] Not that you should get used to it, but I guess you can choose whatever you wanna do.
[ Seeing as Bakugou exhausted his privilege to make decisions with "let's go Battle Royale on each other, it'll be fun." ]
[ Do you ever feel so shameless as when you imagine boys sharing clothes and brushing their teeth together and lazily leaning on each other for support with how grossly domestic they are. Because I do. This also leads to other, equally unpleasant things, like Todoroki finally getting most of his wardrobe back and whining that they smell of his boyfriend — ever as he breathes the other boy in and finds it not all that unpleasant. Which is wrong of course, because Bakugou stinks of sweat and sex and Poor Life Decisions, but that's what they call cognitive bias.
Todoroki can't wait for when the glamour wears off and he can go back to acting like himself again, as opposed to some five year old with a crush. Most kids tend to work this stuff by the time that they're teens but alas, that's being emotionally-stunted for you. It's in remembering just how poorly prepared he was for feeling affection that Todoroki remembers he was made, not born, tailored by an unashamed eugenicist and given life for a purpose, and much as he's tried to deny it over the years he can't help but define himself through it, his father's expectations. The fear of failure and being found unworthy even of defiance forever hanging over him.
But with Bakugou that's lacking; a relationship built upon nothing but questionable company, sex and now, apparently, feelings. It feels natural, them being together, coming close to brushing their hands together, feeling safe in Bakugou's arms (safe from what, he wonders, never aware until now how hard he's been running). Something about heartbeats racing and murmuring sighs that lead Todoroki to one horrific conclusion:
Holy shit he's gay. ]
You're over-thinking it.
[ Pot, kettle, etcetera, but it sounds weird and extremely Not Right for Bakugou to be thinking so hard about things, ruining this blissful simplicity he's found, and so what he's really trying to say is something along the lines of shut up and go to sleep for the love of god. ]
( feelings being felt, fireworks in the background, flowers blooming metaphorically )
[ My greatest yaoi fantasy: guys who date and cohabitate and it's all so cute and domestic but they also are total freaks in the sheets. Sometimes I ponder stuff like what kind of pets they would have and that one "in what position do our characters sleep together in" meme or Bakugou giving Todoroki shit about not knowing how to do the chores that young master types don't learn how to do as a child and it's the absolute worst.
Bakugou's definitely overthinking it and he's practically confusing himself because of it, he's so reflexively used to taking the attitude of "yeah, it basically only matters what I think" that taking into consideration another person is almost painfully difficult to adjust to. He only relaxes again when Todoroki points this out, because he remembers that Todoroki has generally always accepted him for the shitlord that he is, so there's clearly no reason to change anything about how he is now. ]
Look who's talking.
[ He's obliged to go for the low-hanging fruit, he always is.
And instead of responding to that unspoken hey, go the fuck to sleep with words (Bakugou's fundamentally a bit "what the hell?" that he even recognizes that for what it is), he just makes a suitably unimpressed noise and then presses his lips to the back of Todoroki's neck and buries his nose into Todoroki's hair and — wow, he sure does smell nice.
For a brief moment, Bakugou also experiences the feeling of: wow I've become such a homo!! And he guesses he's okay with that, but wow. ]
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( he's so bad but he does it so well )
For the record, Bakugou never wanted to experience anything even vaguely resembling accountability towards how he treats other people, it gives him the metaphorical hives and makes him want to make an existential, extended ughhhh sort of sound. This is who he has become, a person who gives a shit about other people on occasion. Terrifyingly enough, he hasn't even mentally rephrased this to be almost comically self-centered (what if he never wants to touch my dick ever again that would suck a lot) and is more thinking something like "okay but I really don't want the whole nearly choking you to death thing to be a permanent dealbreaker, and also I am not really prepared to be known as some guy who accidentally asphyxiated his boyfriend because it seemed fucking great at the time" as he screws on off to go get a glass of water.
Truly a horrifying thing. Bakugou never asked for this and yet here he is anyway. Confronted with only the sounds of a running sink and his own inner dialogue to freak himself out. He's been reduced to doing menial tasks for other human beings, and he isn't even really mad about it.
Some things don't change, though, and technically the bed is his bed, so when he makes his ignominious return he parks his sorry butt somewhere in the near vicinity of Todoroki's stomach and — what's he do with this glass of water, anyway. Just hold it, he supposes. He's now also been reduced to the guy holding his SO's drinks. ]
Here you are, princess.
[ If this is how Bakugou intends to spoil royalty should he meet royalty someday, then he is potentially not off to a great start. Playing up the mildly jackass side is a good way to cover up feelings, you know.
(This I could live with — the only thing I comfort myself with is that it is highly unlikely that suddenly, out of nowhere, while it would be moderately hilarious of a choice: Hiroshi Kamiya.) ]
( all I know is that you drove us off the road )
Which would be fine (or not fine, because feelings and junk are scary and he deserves so much better than whatever he's been getting), if liking the guy didn't come with all this caring and... stuff. He'll admit he hasn't exactly figured it out yet. What's important is that Bakugou shouldn't be suddenly rising in his estimation from dumbass who sits at the front of class to kinda hot to actually matters to me. Todoroki is not prepared to feel emotionally invested in someone who can readily mess him up - or anyone, actually, but a guy like Bakugou especially. What will follow from now is a load of trying to bury their emotions and dodging dokis until he turns up on Bakugou's doorstep out of the rain one day when daddy kicks him under the pretext of building character.
This is all still Bakugou's fault, by the way. He's the one who introduced Todoroki to the taste of the peach half-eaten and a thousand other things that are bound to earn him a place in inferno, the feeling of the sheets wrapped round him as he struggles to get comfy and make what's inside him settle.
It's for the best Todoroki has no idea what aftercare is or he could tell Bakugou that he sucks shit at it. ]
Thanks.
[ He'll take a glass of water for his trouble though, sass or not, sit up to take the damn thing from Bakugou's grip and set to gulping it down. His throat is dry and his body is broken and he is not at all to blame if a drop or twenty ends up slipping down his chin and chest as he takes in that precious agua. Grabbing Bakugou's wrist to bring him with him when he falls back down upon the bed though, that's definitely his fault. His fault for listening to that tiny part of his brain that runs almost entirely on impulse.
Do you ever feel like you're about to make a horrible mistake. ]
... Bring a first aid kit or something next time.
[ (And surprise surprise, it's Okamoto. And Bakugou looks like such a cocky bastard in those reference sheets, it's great.) ]
( gimme something that'll haunt me whenever you're not around )
more like a THIRST aid kit am I right. At least, Bakugou probably needs one as his willpower tries really hard for a few moments, briefly has a freak-out at watching water drip from Todoroki's mouth, steels itself to near invulnerable status for approximately 0.33 seconds, and then plummets so low that it'll be breaching the core of the Earth in T-minus one minute at the current rate of acceleration as he is pulled down onto the bed with Todoroki, leaving Bakugou feeling strangely broken on the inside even though he has had absolutely nothing done to him.
A horrible mistake has occurred — no, has been occurring. He wants a do-over on life where everything is the same but he isn't uncomfortably interested at Todoroki being incapable of drinking a glass of water and reduced to staring hard at him while being confused where to place his hands at a time like this. Hips seem wrong, anywhere lower than that seems especially wrong; he'll settle for the waist. ]
You sound like you expect me to attempt to beat the shit out of you again in the future.
[ ... ... Well, it is Bakugou, so it's just good reasoning to assume the possibility exists.
(accelerator_-_nicetomeetya.mp3 ... But seriously, now Mikoshiba Mikoto won't be the most embarrassing character he's ever voiced C'''': ) ]
( it was a moment of weakness and you said "yes" )
Should I not.
[ Fair question, he thinks - Bakugou already sprung so hey I want us to beat the shit out of each other on him once and there's very little reason at all to believe he won't try it again. More important, however, is that Bakugou's face is now painfully close to his own, and how the tiniest, tiniest possible noise of contentment slips past Todoroki's lips as he rests his hands at his sides.
How does he stop making mistakes every waking moment his boyfriend is around, he really wants to know. ]
Did you enjoy yourself?
[ Actual recorded footage of Bakugou naming his attacks. ]
( i need you like a heartbeat, but you know you've got a mean streak )
Honestly? As a whole, yeah.
[ ... But actually answering the question this time still makes him an asshole. Either way, he certainly doesn't feel a need to deny it; he already got off on it pretty blatantly, plus, he loves the thrill of violence a little too much to be entirely healthy. These are all things that are blatantly obvious, so he doesn't feel much of a need to talk around it.
Also a reason he doesn't feel the need to talk around it: ]
I mean, wouldn't it be even worse if I said after all that, "yeah, so I wasn't that into it".
[ ... He's not strictly wrong.
He's also definitely not strictly right, but hey. Anyway, if he senses that gratuitous contact of the non-violent sort is going to help him avoid being the fuck-up of the century, then he's going to go ahead and tactically engage in some cuddling here. Purely to avoid consequences, not because of any material enjoyment thereof, of course.
Presented with no commentary. ]
( all roads — they lead me here )
The fact Todoroki now finds himself questioning if he personally enjoyed getting the shit out of him is where it gets alarming though. Never before has he wanted to quantify the depths of his own masochism and this feels like a really bad time to start, when he could be doing things like wrapping his arms tight around Bakugou and reduce his boyfriend to an oversized teddy bear.
Technically the fact that they're— that they're doing whatever they're doing is probably cause enough to believe he's a masochist. ]
... I guess?
[ Seems like it makes sense in Bakugou's own weird way of looking at the world. Or at least, it seems like it makes sense now, when Todoroki is occupying himself with other thoughts and spreading himself out over the bed. ]
What I'm really asking is if you want to do it again.
[ he might be making even more mistakes right now.
Also Okamoto was born for this role. ]
( magic, madness, heaven, sin )
What, like you want me to continue beating the shit out of you?
[ This situation makes no sense to him. It's like checking a kink meme request you made weeks ago thinking "lmao nobody is going to fill this kink (sad trumpets)" and somebody has delivered 5k of filthy porn. He doesn't understand... but he accepts this, he sure accepts it. ]
Is there some other way to read into that statement that I'm just not seeing or...?
[ He hopes not.
... He is aware he should probably hope not but eh. Propriety is for lesser beings.
In the midst of talking about beating the shit out of each other and possibly also getting off on it: casual nuzzling. Because, you know, those two things don't have to be mutually exclusive. ]
( no proof, one touch, you felt enough )
Todoroki, hopes - prays - there's a way to read that that isn't the way he intends, hopefully more innocent, so he doesn't have to acknowledge Bakugou's question, clarify. A bit like stumbling on an LJ kink meme years later and being all who would even request this filth wait shit it was me. ]
Look.
[ Is there any way he can do this that will not fill him with shame. Is he really about to admit that, in spite of the aching limbs and the flare in his temple and thanks to the whole getting off part, he might actually be okay with getting the shit beaten out of him, provided it's Bakugou doing it.
Or maybe he just wants to beat the shit out of Bakugou as revenge. That sounds better, and Todoroki has already proven himself quite capable of questionable interpretation. ]
I'm saying we can do it again... maybe. If you prepare properly.
[ Like, say. First aid kits. Any preparation at all, even. ]
( we were 17 and crazy, running wild, wild )
[ Bakugou would almost definitely be okay with it if Todoroki beat the shit out of him in a sort of kinky way, although then that edges into the uncharted territory of needing a safeword for where his brain says yes i can keep going like this but his body says uh what the fuck no stop you might literally die.
Then again, going by that standard, Bakugou has needed a safeword for life for quite some time now, so. There's that.
Anyway, for some reason or other, Bakugou's chest does some weird things that he's not entirely certain how to interpret and has the distressing thought of "well, this is it, logically speaking you'll never get anybody better suited for your wants and preferences than this so you better not fuck it up; in fact, is it not a goddamn miracle that you haven't permanently fucked it up already? Two more and you're on the way to sainthood, Katsuki." It ranks up there on the scoreboards for the most personally devastating thoughts that he's ever independently generated in his brain. He doesn't know when he became so fucking gay but here he is, dangerously at risk of choking on his own heart as it attempts to lodge its way up his throat and stop himself from going down this path.
All this because Todoroki is open to beating the shit out of each other. Just... yeah. Yeah. ]
Punch me in the face right now. Do it.
[ Translation: What the fuck. I like you more than should be possible given the shriveled and pitted nature of my tiny, incredibly self-centered heart, however, I would rather leave this earth and float into the stratosphere than admit that. ]
Not as the beginning to an attempt to beat me up. Just like. A one-time deal.
[ Translation: just fuck me up except joke's on me you already did. ]
( face to face but never eye to eye )
[ Bakugou is a dangerous male, there are few safe spaces left for Todoroki, and there is perhaps nothing more horrifying than that moment you realise you and your boyfriend are so kink-compatible you could pilot a Jaeger. It's the implicit understanding between them that keeps things stable, lets them pretend that they are not in fact a pair of deeply fucked-up individuals so long as they don't actively acknowledge it - much like all manner of affectionate snuggling and warm nuzzles are perfectly fine provided they keep the sap to a minimum. One can only imagine how awkward that conversation would be, i want you to hurt me, like, a lot and i'm not sure if this means i have some deep-seated self-worth issues or i'm just that much of a masochist??, or for Bakugou to actually confess whatever weird shit goes through his head.
One day they are going to realise that this arrangement is something straight out of 50shades and take a moment to rethink their lives (or alternatively, make a half-assed effort at entering into the wonderful world of light bdsm, probably a disaster given what passes for dirty talk between them), but today is not that day. Actual safewords and not risking a trip to the emergency room every time they meet up is still a long way off.
More importantly: Oh god he's fucking up. ]
You're serious.
[ There is a long, long pause before Todoroki manages to get the words out, finds it in himself to remember what words even are. On the other hand his heart is now playing a dandy tune of doki doki kiss kiss fuck me in the ass against Bakugou's skin and honestly, how is he supposed to reply to that.
Most people, Todoroki's pretty sure, don't want to beat the shit out of their SOs. It's kinda, y'know, wrong and everything, and he definitely shouldn't be considering, hardly his fault that he turns into a sex-crazed flagellating fiend whenever Bakugou is within like five meters of him.
Doesn't stop him from socking Bakugou straight in the face though. Why would it. ]
( i should have slept with one eye open at night )
... He's so royally fucked. Bakugou acknowledges he has dug this grave and now he supposes he just needs to learn to love lying in it as he moves further away from the grace of light and virtue which realistically he has never been particularly close to anyway. It probably slipped out of his sweaty hands at the age of four or so.
He makes a noise that is a peculiar ratio of confused, mild pain, and um I'm turned on right now. He thinks about stopping this madness before it begins. He promptly kicks that idea to the curb and metaphorically pisses all over it because laughing my fucking ass off at the idea i have that kind of self-restraint?? Fuck this and fuck his life, honestly, but he can't get off this wild trainwreck of a ride and he's come to peace with it. Now it's just a vague wondering thought of "god damn I hope I don't have to hear shit about how I got excited over being punched in the face in the near future" before he decides this is exactly the right time to (impressively quickly, all things considered) roll on over and on top of Todoroki, knees straddling either side of his hips, and go straight in for a kiss that's generously 50% kiss and 50% him applying tongue to the general vicinity of Todoroki's mouth.
Lol aftercare what. ]
( to write on his heart in permanent marker )
Relevant when, before Todoroki really gets the chance to contemplate what it might mean that he just engaged in an act domestic violence (plus some of the more particularly unpleasant desires suddenly welling up inside him, like leaving Bakugou with more bruises of his own, wondering how he sounds when he's the one strangled, digging nails into skin so everyone knows who owns him and holy shit what has Katsuki done to him (what has he done to himself)), Bakugou leaps on him at approximately the Speed of Making Mistakes, which is approximately three times the Speed of Thinking Before You Act, approximately equal with the Speed of Todoroki Never Paid Attention in Physics Anyway, a change in pace he readily welcomes. Few things are quite so liberating when he's thinking too hard as letting Bakugou have his way, wrap a leg around him and skip to the part where they makeout until they collapse from exhaustion.
Plus — if he lets his mind wander a little, always a bad idea, there's something he rather likes in that moment where Bakugou's movements suddenly take on a more possessive edge (more than usual, anyway), how his hands wander, almost a little endearing in how he clings to him, almost cute even, often as close to acts of actual affection as they come. Now, Todoroki would respond to anyone who accused him for whatever reason of craving affection with naught but a muddled Um and a vacant stare, but by the same token he wouldn't readily agree to beating each other senseless for just anyone either, nor does it really help with how happy he is to sit back and let Bakugou touch him however he wants. And kiss him back. Really hard.
Is this the aftercare or does the aftercare come after this. Was beating each other up the foreplay. Is this the main event. Does their love-making defy categorisation. ]
( i think you're crazy 'cause i still love you baby )
He's getting used to the fact that this list exists and is growing, though. Also another thing that can't be discussed in front of others, ever (also possibly discussed in general) is how Bakugou can be a needy little fucker and while this means he can be surprising cuddle fiend, it also means that sometimes his brain shortwires itself a little and tells him something like the more you touch somebody, the more it means they're yours like some kind of primitive marking instinct. If asked later what his logic behind just kind of restlessly touching Todoroki (anywhere and everywhere his hands can comfortably fit, not very demandingly, just sort of running his fingers and palms over Todoroki's body), he'd probably shrug wildly and insist there's nothing weird about wanting to touch the hell out of something that you like. Which is one of the nicest compliments-not-intended-as-such that would never pass his his lips, probably.
If this is the aftercare, then Bakugou needs to look up an FAQ or something ASAP because he's probably going to accidentally asphyxiate himself at this rate, it shouldn't be that hard to recall that you still need to breathe when making out but oh god he may yet manage it. ]
( but i'd give anything to have you here today )
He can probably lay the brunt of the blame on Bakugou for corrupting him, right; he was fine (ahaha...), a good person before all this happened, before love entered the scene, and now it won't be long before Katsuki has him listening to rock music and chain smoking behind the bike sheds at school. Their relationship is one that can conveyed through the assorted works of Taylor Swift and Todoroki would like to think he's not entirely at fault for that.
Honesty has never been Bakugou's strong suit, no, not when it comes to expressing anything greater than his boundless self-confidence and urge to blow the fuck out of all he surveys, but Todoroki appreciates the sentiment all the same; it's hard not to forgive the possessive edge to Bakugou's fingers ghosting over his skin when it makes him feel cherished, something he's growing swiftly addicted to. Perhaps a sign that these still sum up their individual approaches to affection quite nicely, and that Todoroki has all the right in the world to thread his fingers through Bakugou's hair and kiss him as if starving for air. Actions express what mere words never could, or something like that.
If this is what passes for aftercare between them then sign him the fuck up. ]
( what you're looking for has been here the whole time )
And don't forget Katy Perry, she contributed some important parts to this dialogue as well, although maybe not at the same level as I knew you were trouble when you walked in so shame on me ... now I'm lying on the cold hard ground (okamoto nobuhiko screaming incoherently).
Approximately 0.3 seconds to Bakugou impressively managing to cause himself to pass out from some stupid combination of excitement and not breathing properly is when he decides to back off for a few moments, breathless, expression more like he's just run a half-marathon with the hounds of hell on his tail than a bit of tonsil hockey. His hands come to a temporary stop too, although the way he grasps at Todoroki's shoulders is more suggestive of holding somebody down while you punch their lights out than some tender caress.
That said, he's stupidly turned on and also horrifyingly happy with all his life choices right now. Also: Bakugou is aware that he's turning into a terrible cliche with the don't really know how to touch people gently because I'm a Tough Guy, but good god I'm trying for once shtick, but he can't help it, his brain isn't working right (is it ever working right) and he just sort of ????s through reaching to touch Todoroki's face like uh? Is this really okay??
He feels like an idiot. That said, it's a weirdly satisfying feeling to draw his palm against the curve of Todoroki's cheek. However, he still overwhelmingly feels like an idiot, for whatever that says about him. ]
( and we'll tell each other things, like i love you )
That would probably be an improvement, actually. I am still forever thankful for how easy the Katy Perry joke is. Meanwhile I still associate Trouble with another fandom and I have been laughing for approximately a million years. (it's the OHHHHH)
You know, he'd probably take being decked in face however so many times over this, the attempt at tenderness, for this is unfamiliar territory and Todoroki has little idea of how to respond, can't stop the irritatingly pleased noises that work their way up his throat at that mangled caress, how easy it is to lean into the hand that cups his face.
Okay, so, that earlier assessment with regards to him craving affection might just have hit the mark, and sad as it is it's probably worth noting that between years of poor parenting it's been so long since someone touched him, and that is probably a factor in why it's so easy to adjust to the whole beating each other up thing. And why Todoroki has to bite back some scathing comment for fear it'll come out like this is really weird, holy shit, but also please keep paying attention to me because while you might not realise it I'm kind of a mess when you get to know me.
Also he started smiling at some point in this process and that, too, is just plain awful. Bury him now before things start getting mushy. ]
( and i never saw you coming )
Step it up, KNB and associated fandom. Honestly, (akashi seijuurou voice) I still have further expectations from you.
Anyway.
Is it normal to feel like you like somebody so much that you want to smother them with a pillow to avoid feeling feelings? No, of course it's not, yet here Bakugou is nonetheless, suffering in adolescent hell. In some sense, the thing that bothered Bakugou about the Sports Festival tournament (among many other things, to be fair) was the sense that he wasn't being looked at properly, the Acknowledge and Respect Me Goddammit part of his astronomically large superiority-inferiority complex. Stupidly enough, it's the same cosmically immense superiority-inferiority complex that makes him kinda feel weird about being looked at too intently. Not bad, just... weird.
Thus the strange urge to shove a pillow over Todoroki's face and protect himself from Todoroki's dumb smile. Possibly also a manifestation of his latest choking kink, it's hard to say.
He wants to be punched in the face again. This atmosphere needs to be changed, stat, before he loses his shit and metaphorically throws up all his repressed emotions. Welcome to Bakugou's bedroom, current population: 2 hot messes.
Impressively, Bakugou makes a noise that can only be described with a keysmash of h, n, k, and g in any particular order or repetition, and then: ]
This makes me feel so fucking weird.
[ iiiii am in misery there ain't nobody who can comfort me is the background music as Bakugou verbally fucks up yet again. ]
... That didn't come out right.
[ He's still holding Todoroki's face and he may also be kinda smiling at Todoroki smiling and not realizing it, so clearly there's some sort of disconnect going on here between the part of his brain that controls his mouth and the part of his brain that controls his emotions. ]
( love will find you one way or another )
But I guess Teppei and the meme scream will do for now.
So yeah, anyways.
For the first time in a long time the sight of Bakugou's smile does not set a shiver down his spine and alarm bells ringing, and that alone is probably a sign that something is very, very wrong here. Acknowledging that they have feelings for one another outside of the immediately licentious and carnal kind is a cardinal sin, goes against the foundation of their arrangement, but that was before Bakugou and his dumb grin could make it feel like his heart was about ready to explode, a sensation Todoroki welcomes as a reprieve from whatever doki doki bullshit is going on in his chest. Feelings with a capital F are a goddamned roller coaster and he wants to get off (not like that) (probably like that).
Have you ever just wanted to beat a person up, except with your mouth. That is a very good summary of the weird mash-up of urges welling up in Todoroki right now, urges he's uncertain of how to aim that all revolve around Bakugou Katsuki and how unreasonably eye-catching he is when he manages to smile without smirking.
Eye-catching not just in the sense of screwing around and tick boxes on a kink list - that he can deal with - but also wanting to hold hands and cuddle and uploading pictures of his face to social media with the tag #aesthetic and that is just weird.
It's only a little after V-day and so it's only appropriate to start touching Bakugou back, run fingers almost tenderly over his skin like he likes the guy or something. Real seasonal. ]
You're really bad at communicating.
[ Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, or something like that, even if the really awkward undertone of and I accept that is only half-unintentional. What matters is that two incredibly-attractive beat-up boys are staring at each other with smiles on their faces, shoujo bubbles in the air, and my inner fudanshit could not be more pleased. ]
It's weird for me too, if that helps.
( jump then fall into me )
But yes, Bakugou understands because he has this delirious sort of thought like I want to punch him in the mouth, but like, with my mouth. And then he has the positively terrifying thought of ohhhh my god this is like, a relationship. He knew that before, but he didn't really think too hard about what that meant (more like he tried very hard to not think about what that meant) and suddenly he's mom's spaghetti. ]
Well, you weren't saying anything.
[ Not that he should expect Todoroki to be up for long, protracted conversations when he earlier did his damn best to choke Todoroki out. He more feels the need to emphasize that he felt like he needed to fill the silence before things got critical level with feelings and sparkles in the air and he still wants to be punched in the face again.
This feels like the point where he's supposed to say that he, like, like Todoroki or something. And suddenly he feels the urge to make a running start at the nearest window and jump out of it because it would feel like a more rational thing to do. Let's just keep doing this touching and holding and staring thing, he supposes. Maybe ponder half a moderately terrifying thought at the fact that he thinks he'd be okay with everybody knowing he's dating Todoroki so they can all stop looking at him now, thanks, he is off-limits to the rest of the world.
Or he could just let gravity do its thing and kiss the boy in one of those things that just sort of happens at the spur of the moment with no conscious thought to it. Bakugou has a habit of making kissing into a sort of all-or-nothing deal, where he throws all his chips down and doesn't stop until lips are bruised or he is moderately winded, but relatively speaking — for him — it can almost be described as chaste. This is all very seasonally appropriate, it brings a tear to my eye...! ]
( and I can't breathe without you )
Todoroki's still struggling with this whole feelings thing, mostly, feelings he's afraid to make his for how they differ from all he's known before, the need for revenge that's kept him driven through difficult times (a line could go here about smouldering rage and his ice-cold heart, but Tokoyami is the chuuni of the group so it doesn't really apply). Worse still is the implicit understanding, without words as it is, that Bakugou feels exactly these feelings too, because weird as finding himself wanting someone is, the feeling of being so genuinely wanted is even weirder.
Much like how the whole choking thing was a great deal easier to handle than whatever he's dealing with now, because at least that was kind of understandable; possessive behaviour sorta makes sense, so he can get Bakugou to wanting to mark him as his with a collar of bruises round his neck, maybe not so much wanting to do it himself, the whole I wanna kiss you in front of the whole class and I don't care who complains thing, a little less so.
The spaghetti is just pouring out of his pockets and there's nothing he can do to stop it. ]
What could I say.
[ Seriously, there are no words he could come up with that'd make this any better, the urges bouncing about the inside his skull any easier to explain, and silence almost seems to come naturally when he's like this, struggling to meet Bakugou's gaze, knowing the next punch he tries to throw will no doubt turn to cupping his cheek. Regardless of their reasons neither of them have any excess of social skills (or any at all, as the case may be) and so sometimes keeping their mouths shut is better.
He sees the kiss coming before it starts, lips already subtly parted by the time Bakugou is upon him, returning that chaste and unpleasantly-heartfelt kiss with all he has. Love and Valentine cheer is still in the air, all that lowkey tension Todoroki didn't even know he had is draining out of him, and he's not even going to ask how his arms ended up around his boyfriend to pull him into a hug. They're so fucked. ]
( and this love came back to me )
For all of Bakugou's transparently self-defensive, moderately wilted replies have been him insisting that he can't be held accountable for the dumb things he does to fill in the silence, the truth is settling in that he's pretty sure he would be really okay with doing something stupidly domestic like sitting on the same couch all afternoon, occasionally borrowing each other as extra cushions while they are quietly in each others' presences and focus on reading or gaming or whatever it is they do. It's so horrendously couple-y and Bakugou wants to punch himself in the stomach because about 95% of the time, he really just wants to be left and to his own devices. He's the personification of "i hate going to school because i always see people from school there", pretty much.
So yeah. Monumentally fucked to an absurd degree. Bakugou just wanted to avenge his pride and now they're having a heartfelt moment where did things go so wrong. In fact, he's even going to declare this in an unusually quiet tone. ]
Oh my god. I'm so fucked. [ He closes his eyes, reaches around to just segue right into hell and spooning. He sounds so genuinely full of feelings when he adds: ] This is not what I had in mind.
[ Strangely, he doesn't sound like he's complaining... ]
( you are in love )
Kissing Bakugou isn't meant to make him actually feel things, not like this. There's desperation, yes, desiring one another, desperate kiss, emotions boiled over and uncaring if their teeth clack or they leave with bruised lips, tearing one another apart to yield whatever dark part of them has latched onto each other — it's not supposed to be nice. Nice in the way that has sap welling up in Todoroki's throat when he tries to speak, choking on hopes of swapping clothes and curling up in bed together, sharing meals and unawkward silences. How is one such as him, exactly, supposed to deal with actual emotions that don't involve regret or revenge when it took him so many chapters just to manage a smile. ]
Same.
[ Answer being: Not dealing with it at all. It's hard to regret when he's feeling pleasantly buzzed and Bakugou is so very, very welcome against his skin right now. Todoroki sighs, shuts his eyes and just curls up gingerly where he is, all warm and tender and ridiculously heartfelt as he speaks.
Everyone in class is going to be so confused when they don't come in with broken arms tomorrow. ]
... Can we make out some more later?
( so I cross my heart and hope for you )
Spooning, Bakugou has come to realize, is actually pretty great regardless of which spoon you happen to be at the moment and fundamentally less awkward than cuddling while actually facing each other. But there is a certain level of contentment that comes with being able to clasp his hands loosely over Todoroki's waist and settle in for the long haul. ]
Yeah, sure... if you want to. [ Bakugou is even weirded out he said that. What else do they do when they're not making out with each other? Besides convince each other to make questionable life decisions, that is. What are their other options. ] Not that you should get used to it, but I guess you can choose whatever you wanna do.
[ Seeing as Bakugou exhausted his privilege to make decisions with "let's go Battle Royale on each other, it'll be fun." ]
( this is really happening )
Todoroki can't wait for when the glamour wears off and he can go back to acting like himself again, as opposed to some five year old with a crush. Most kids tend to work this stuff by the time that they're teens but alas, that's being emotionally-stunted for you. It's in remembering just how poorly prepared he was for feeling affection that Todoroki remembers he was made, not born, tailored by an unashamed eugenicist and given life for a purpose, and much as he's tried to deny it over the years he can't help but define himself through it, his father's expectations. The fear of failure and being found unworthy even of defiance forever hanging over him.
But with Bakugou that's lacking; a relationship built upon nothing but questionable company, sex and now, apparently, feelings. It feels natural, them being together, coming close to brushing their hands together, feeling safe in Bakugou's arms (safe from what, he wonders, never aware until now how hard he's been running). Something about heartbeats racing and murmuring sighs that lead Todoroki to one horrific conclusion:
Holy shit he's gay. ]
You're over-thinking it.
[ Pot, kettle, etcetera, but it sounds weird and extremely Not Right for Bakugou to be thinking so hard about things, ruining this blissful simplicity he's found, and so what he's really trying to say is something along the lines of shut up and go to sleep for the love of god. ]
( feelings being felt, fireworks in the background, flowers blooming metaphorically )
Bakugou's definitely overthinking it and he's practically confusing himself because of it, he's so reflexively used to taking the attitude of "yeah, it basically only matters what I think" that taking into consideration another person is almost painfully difficult to adjust to. He only relaxes again when Todoroki points this out, because he remembers that Todoroki has generally always accepted him for the shitlord that he is, so there's clearly no reason to change anything about how he is now. ]
Look who's talking.
[ He's obliged to go for the low-hanging fruit, he always is.
And instead of responding to that unspoken hey, go the fuck to sleep with words (Bakugou's fundamentally a bit "what the hell?" that he even recognizes that for what it is), he just makes a suitably unimpressed noise and then presses his lips to the back of Todoroki's neck and buries his nose into Todoroki's hair and — wow, he sure does smell nice.
For a brief moment, Bakugou also experiences the feeling of: wow I've become such a homo!! And he guesses he's okay with that, but wow. ]
( all the right shades on the wrong page )
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